gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
