the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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