lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You have to summon your inner elephant
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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