last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
