Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
