omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
