Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
