i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
