I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
