so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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