It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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