Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
