My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
