remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
