Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
