I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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