puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
