i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
