I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
