I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
