don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
