The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
...so i touched it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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