I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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