I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
