I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
