I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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