and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize