The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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