Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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