that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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