Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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