Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
