i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
