quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just want nice things and good sex
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
