in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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