pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
