What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Even my vagina gasped.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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