I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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