I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
