Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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