chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
