arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
