i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
