I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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