So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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