i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
