in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
