Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
