Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
