How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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