I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
