Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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