I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
