Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
