I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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