Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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