I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I believe in your delicious
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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