There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
