You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
