The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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