Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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