The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
