I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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