i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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