Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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