Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
love makes seman taste better
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
