Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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