I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
