weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I deserve this hangover.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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